Becoming Yourself: How to Achieve It?
The concept of "becoming yourself" has become an omnipresent mantra in modern culture, especially in the realms of personal development and pop psychology. It is presented as an essential quest for self-knowledge, as well as a path toward authenticity and personal fulfillment. But what does "becoming yourself" really mean? What is its significance? Is it a linear process, a fixed destination, or simply a comforting illusion?
This concept deserves to be critically explored.
The Quest for Authenticity: Myth or Reality?
The idea of becoming yourself is based on the assumption that there exists an "authentic" and deep self, a true essence hidden beneath the layers of our daily existence, shaped by society, the expectations of others, and our own fears. It’s as if you’re wearing a mask in society without even realizing it.
This notion is appealing, not only because it suggests you’re not responsible for supposedly missing out on this self for years, but also because it promises the possibility of freeing yourself from external constraints to reach a form of inner purity. You’re not responsible for missing out on it because, let’s be clear, this narrative isn’t aimed at teenagers!
But is this quest for authenticity really justified? Can we truly unearth a "true" self, unchanging, untouched by the outside world? A self that doesn’t evolve?
Existentialist philosophers like Jean-Paul Sartre argue that existence precedes essence. In other words, we are not born with a fixed identity; we build it through our choices and actions. From this perspective, becoming yourself wouldn’t be about rediscovering a lost essence but rather about creating your own identity at every moment. This raises an important question: if our "self" is constantly evolving, how can we talk about "becoming yourself" as a final destination?
I often address this issue, particularly when discussing personality-related challenges in making career choices: Do we always present the same image of ourselves to family, colleagues, or strangers we’ve just met? Of course not—many people don’t behave identically in different contexts, and most are fully aware of this.
Isn’t authenticity simply behaving spontaneously? Isn’t that the only real indicator for ourselves? After all, is anyone else truly capable of determining whether we are acting spontaneously?
The "Self" as a Social Construct
It is also crucial to recognize that our identity is, to a large extent, a social construct. Our values, beliefs, and even our desires are shaped by our upbringing, our experiences, and the environment in which we grow up. Thus, the quest for the "self" might be less about discovery and more about fabrication, influenced by cultural norms, family expectations, and the media. This realization could transform the quest for self into a critical reflection on the external influences that shape us, rather than a solitary inward search. And there’s plenty to reflect on…
In this context, becoming yourself could involve distancing yourself from these influences, cultivating the ability to question and consciously select them, and perhaps challenging beliefs as one of the tools, rather than passively absorbing them.
The Fluidity of the "Self"
Another fundamental aspect to consider, which I’ve introduced, is the fluidity of the "self." Contrary to the idea of an immutable core, our identity is dynamic and ever-changing. Every experience, every interaction, every influence alters our thoughts, norms, and habits. Think about how much your life partner might have changed you, for example. Therefore, "becoming yourself" should certainly be interpreted not as an endpoint but as a continuous process, a perpetual journey without a fixed destination. This aligns with the ideas of some contemporary psychologists who view identity as a flow rather than a stable entity.
In this view, seeking to become yourself would mean accepting this fluidity, this impermanence, and freeing yourself from the idea that there is a perfect and final version of ourselves to be attained. The "self" then becomes a work in constant evolution, where the focus is not on reaching a definitive definition, but on remaining open to transformation and adaptation.
The Danger of the Injunction to "Become Yourself"
Finally, it is important to question the injunction to "become yourself" as it is often presented in personal development. This injunction can create immense pressure, leading individuals to believe they must conform to a certain image of authenticity or personal success. This can lead to a form of inner tyranny, where one constantly feels inadequate, never truly "oneself."
Moreover, this quest can distract from the true ethical and existential questions that should guide our lives. Instead of asking, "Who am I really?", it might be more relevant to ask, "What can I do to live a good and just life?" and "What would be the effects, both for me and for those around me?" This perspective shifts the effort of constructing an identity toward action and engagement in the world.
