🔥 10 reasons to challenge the claim “You must take care of yourself in order to take care of others”

➊ It’s a paradoxical injunction
It turns self-care into a moral obligation. You must feel good. If you don’t, you’re seen as irresponsible. The result? Added pressure and chronic guilt. → Cf. Ehrenberg, 1998: The Weariness of the Self.

➋ It confuses condition with excuse
Self-care becomes a justification to withdraw: “I need to focus on me first.” But the ethics of care (Tronto) is grounded in the relationship—not in individual emotional balance.

➌ It promotes an individualistic view of care
It ignores structural issues: it’s not individuals, but systems (time, resources, recognition) that enable or block care. → Cf. Fraser, 2014: redistribution and recognition.

➍ It justifies social inequalities
It shifts responsibility onto individuals—mostly women—without questioning social roles or power dynamics. → Cf. Delphy, 2001: invisible labor and mental load.

➎ It naturalizes suffering and erases the work
Care becomes an effortless extension of the “balanced self” instead of being recognized as labor and skill. → Cf. Mol, 2008: The Logic of Care.

➏ It erases precarious caregivers
Many care for others without having the space to care for themselves (home workers, family carers...). Their commitment exists despite their own exhaustion. → Cf. Paperman & Laugier, 2006: politics of care.

➐ It creates a biased moral hierarchy
The idea that only those who are “well” are fit to help others excludes the fragile, the sick, the unstable—from solidarity. A morality of merit, not relation.

➑ It deflects collective responsibility
It implies that caring is a matter of personal effort instead of collective choices: working conditions, time, resources. → Cf. Clot, 2010: constrained agency.

➒ It mirrors a neoliberal logic of self-care
A psychologized version of performance: mindfulness, wellness, emotional optimization—to stay useful. → Cf. Illouz, 2006: emotional capitalism.

➓ It makes care conditional, when it often isn’t
People help, support, love, and care without being “at peace.” Humanity isn’t about being aligned inside—it’s about being present.


Many of these authors and ideas are explored in my upcoming book on Unassigned Vocational Orientation, where I dismantle false assumptions about care, guidance, and self-development. Currently in final edits… stay tuned.