"Feelings" Have Become a Powerful Tool of Manipulation in Conversations

If you don't accept someone else's feelings, watch out! You’re a bad person (yes, this applies to women too).

It's a term thrown at you as an argument, one that you are expected to accept in the name of kindness and empathy.

Everything is about "feelings," and that's the problem.

The invocation of "feelings" has become a mechanism in discussions to shut them down without the need to explain. A subtle form of manipulation.

In reality, it’s just: “Here’s my perception.” And you’re not allowed to discuss it.

Really?

It also assumes that your reality is the reality. Ouch.

But what if this perception has no connection to reality? What then?

So, don’t let yourself be led astray by your interlocutor’s "feelings"—dare to question them.

The key is to question them empathetically, so you’re not seen as the bad guy.

Also, dare to draw a parallel between your own feelings and the actual facts.

More often than not, it’s just an unfortunate mix of both.

Here are some questions, in an order that could lead to constructive dialogue:

• "Why do you believe feelings should not be discussed?"
• "Do you ever find it hard to understand my feelings?"
• "Could you imagine that this might also happen to me?"
• "What is making you feel this way?"
• "What objective elements can we verify together?"
• "What are the facts, separate from any interpretation, that your feelings are based on?"
• "Do you think these facts could have created different feelings for someone else?"

Because honestly, we’re tired of being misled with nonsense, disguised under the pretense of virtuous thinking and false benevolence.