Encouraging Your Child's Autonomy Through Positive Parenting

Autonomy is one of the fundamental pillars of positive parenting, aimed at developing a child's confidence in their abilities and a sense of responsibility for their choices—an essential skill for their future decision-making, including career choices. However, encouraging autonomy requires a delicate balance between support and freedom and raises certain questions about how to apply it in daily life.

Autonomy does not develop overnight. According to Jean Piaget, children go through several stages of development in which they gradually acquire the ability to think independently. Encouraging autonomy involves offering the child age-appropriate choices while supporting them in their decisions. For example, allowing a young child to choose their outfit or organize their free time can give them a sense of control and strengthen their self-confidence.

But how far can we encourage autonomy without risking putting too much pressure on the child? Too much autonomy, too soon, can lead to stress and insecurity. Every child is different, and it is crucial for parents to continually assess their child's needs and adjust their approach accordingly. In practice, what does encouraging autonomy mean? Is it letting the child fend for themselves? Or is it rather accompanying them in their journey towards independence while being available to offer support?

Moreover, autonomy must be nurtured in a context of emotional security. Children need to feel that they can rely on their parents if needed. It is this sense of security that allows them to take risks and learn from their mistakes. Parents may ask themselves: Am I creating an environment where my child feels safe to explore and experiment? In what ways? Am I present to support them without interfering excessively? This reflection is essential to creating a framework that fosters autonomy while respecting the child's pace and needs. But it is also crucial to ensure that this does not turn into "I do what I want," which could quickly become unmanageable.

The key is to find the right balance, considering the context and the child's personality.

References:

• Piaget, Jean. The Psychology of the Child. Basic Books, 1972.
• Deci, Edward L., & Ryan, Richard M. Self-Determination Theory: Basic Psychological Needs in Motivation, Development, and Wellness. Guilford Press, 2017.
• Grolnick, Wendy S. The Psychology of Parental Control: How Well-Meant Parenting Backfires. Psychology Press, 2002.
• Dolto, Françoise. Lorsque l’enfant paraît. Gallimard, 1977.
• Gueguen, Catherine. Pour une enfance heureuse: Repenser l’éducation à la lumière des dernières découvertes sur le cerveau. Robert Laffont, 2015.