Discipline in the Context of Positive Parenting: How to Find the Right Balance

Discipline is a delicate topic within the framework of positive parenting. How can one reconcile the concept of discipline with the principles of kindness and mutual respect that are at the heart of this approach? Discipline is often seen as a means of correcting behavior, but in the context of positive parenting, it must be re-evaluated as a tool for teaching and personal development for the child.

Positive discipline, as advocated by Barbara Coloroso in her book Kids Are Worth It!: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline, does not seek to impose strict authority but rather to guide the child toward responsible and respectful behavior. This does not mean the absence of rules, but rather a different way of presenting and applying them. Coloroso explains that effective discipline involves helping children understand the consequences of their actions while providing them with the tools necessary to make wiser choices in the future. This requires giving explanations, being consistent, and maintaining a trusting relationship with the child.

However, it is important to ask: how far can one go with positive discipline without falling into permissiveness? Conversely, when does positive discipline become too strict, risking the trust established with the child? The challenge for parents is to find a balance that respects the child's autonomy while ensuring a structured and secure environment, as emphasized by Jane Nelsen in Positive Discipline. Moreover, one must be careful not to lose the figure of authority, as too much explanation or discussion can quickly lead to children who constantly expect explanations and challenge anything that does not suit them.

It is also essential to consider the long-term effectiveness of positive discipline. Do children raised within this framework develop genuine self-discipline, or do they require constant supervision to maintain appropriate behaviors? Alfie Kohn explores this question in Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, where he invites parents to reflect on the impact of their disciplinary approach on their children's autonomy and responsibility. This requires flexibility and a willingness to adapt strategies according to the evolving needs of the child.

Finally, positive discipline should be seen as a partnership between parents and children, where both parties work together to develop respectful and responsible behaviors, as explained by Catherine Gueguen in Pour une enfance heureuse: Repenser l’éducation à la lumière des dernières découvertes sur le cerveau. However, in practice, this is no easy task, and one cannot overlook the power dynamics inherent in the parent-child relationship.

References:

• Coloroso, Barbara. Kids Are Worth It!: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline. HarperCollins, 1995.
• Nelsen, Jane. Positive Discipline. Ballantine Books, 1981.
• Kohn, Alfie. Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason. Atria Books, 2005.
• Markham, Laura. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. TarcherPerigee, 2012.
• Gueguen, Catherine. Pour une enfance heureuse: Repenser l’éducation à la lumière des dernières découvertes sur le cerveau. Robert Laffont, 2015.
• Montessori, Maria. The Montessori Method. Schocken Books, 1964.